A List of Qualities to Look for in a Man - in No Particular Order

1. Intelligent but not arrogant
2. Kind and compassionate
3. Reliable
4. Non-Smoker
5. Responsible
6. Able to be goofy at times
7. Not overly religious
8. Same/Similar values and politics
9. Good sense of humor
10. Likes kids but doesn't want more children
11. Handy around the house
12. Good conversationalist
13. Able to be spontaneous
14. Willing to grow
15. Supportive
16. Interested in my dreams/goals
17. Will do some activities w/me but have some of his own
18. Willing to go out (on occasion) with my friends

In April of 2001, I compiled this list after much soul searching and deep thought. I had gone to a 'tarot card reading' that the Seattle Jaycees offered, and I was talking to one of the 'readers.' He was married to the other 'reader' and as he did a mini-reading for me, I jokingly asked him about finding a guy (because there was no mention of it in my reading). He told me, in all seriousness, that I needed to really determine what it was that I wanted in a guy. All of the qualities that I could ever hope for. Things that I couldn't do without or did not want to compromise on (much).

"Until you really know what you want, you'll never find it."

I chuckled softly.

"I'm serious. That is how I met and married Raven. I decided what I wanted in a woman. Then I made a list of qualities that were important to me. Whenever I met someone, I could refer back to that list as a guide. I could then make a conscious decision rather than just accepting whomever might come along at the moment. I wouldn't be settling."

It made sense.

"I put that list under a garnet (stone for heart/love) and looked at it every night to make sure that it's energy was in my mind. I met Raven and knew that it was meant to be."

Later, as I was telling another friend, I sort of laughed and dismissed it. But then I thought more about it and the fact that I did tend to settle when it came to men. I figured that I was lucky to have someone so I would just take what I got. Then I looked at my life and where I wanted to be in the future. I was not getting there by settling for the good looking boy-toy that didn't speak much english, or the controlling professor who lived half-way across the country. I was living on my own, with my daughter, and having a full life with friends and activities. It would be enhanced by having someone to share that with, but a man wouldn't make me feel complete. It was time to start thinking differently.

I went home and made a list. It took quite awhile to decide what I couldn't live without. I wrote it all out and then eventually tried to find a garnet. I ended up finding a mini-bottle of garnet pieces at the supermall. I put that on top of my list and went along my merry way. I started to look at men in a different light.

With thoughts of what I wanted in my mind, my heart started drawing toward Tim. As a friend/co-worker, I knew that he fit many of the qualities on my list. I would discover later that he fulfilled 17 out of 18. Pretty darn good.

Moral of the story... know what direction you are going or you may end up somewhere else.